


Sometimes You Have to Admit Defeat

by Shane_for_Wax



Series: Holtzmann the ADHD Engineer [5]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, blood and gore warning, drug dependence warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 11:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7842634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shane_for_Wax/pseuds/Shane_for_Wax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bust goes wrong mainly because Holtz is off her meds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes You Have to Admit Defeat

_Oh, no. Don’t tell me don’t tell me don’t--_ Holtzmann’s thoughts were going very, very fast. Faster than they usually did as she upturned both bottles of medication she kept on the nightstand. Both were empty. How? Hadn’t she _just_ refilled them? Shouldn’t her phone have...? 

And then she remembered. Her phone had gotten slimed beyond repair and she had yet to input all of her little reminders and everything else in her new one. 

She _needed_ that Adderall and the low dose sleep aid or she would be a mess in less than twenty-four hours. She groaned to herself, and then groaned louder when her phone went off with the ringtone she had come up with herself to let her know it was Patty (because of course that was the first thing she set up on the new phone and every thing else fell to the wayside like med refills). _Save World Get Girl_ played merrily for five seconds before Holtzmann snatched up the phone and accepted the call, forcing a smile on her face even though it was only over the phone, not a video chat. 

“Holtzmann’s House of Horrors how can I help you?” she asked, sounding much more cheery than she felt right then.

“...Holtz? You okay, baby?” Patty’s concerned voice filtered through, making Holtzmann’s smile falter then fade. Patty suspected didn't she? 

“O-oh I’m fine. Y’know just... wakin’ up and everything,” Holtzmann said, desperately trying to force a casual air into her voice but knew it was already blown, Patty knew. Patty _always_ knew. 

“Holtzmann--” Patty began, putting on her Serious Voice which just caused Holtz to cringe.

“I’m fine, Pat. Promise. Pinky promise. What’s up with you?”

Holtzmann heard something similar to a sigh before Patty cleared her throat.

“We’ve got what sounds like a level 3 specter that has chased people out of what was a speak easy back in the day. Probably a mobster who was especially angry--”

“Okay, where? I’ll meet you guys there.” Holtzmann didn’t mean to sound so impatient but she was also trying to figure out if she had kept an emergency stash anywhere of her meds. Nope, not to her recollection but with her luck she would find some next week when she didn’t need it. She instantly felt bad because her tone was probably too sharp and unnecessary because Patty didn't do anything, it wasn't her fault Holtz forgot. 

“Holtzy if you don’t think--” and there was the concerned voice, wanting to give Holtz an out. 

“No, I’m fine. Really. Just tell me where.” 

Another sigh before eventually Patty told her and then sent a text with the same information as was the usual protocol. 

“Be careful, okay?”

“You too. Don’t go in without me!” 

Holtz hung up and then proceeded to scream into a pillow. She should be fine if they got the bust over with quickly. With that hopeful thought she pulled on the suit she kept at home in case of events like this and then drove just barely within the speed limit to the ‘speak easy’. 

The sidewalk was empty but the Ecto-1 was parked right there in front. She parked behind it then grabbed her pack before rushing inside. To her relief, no battle had started. Erin and Abby were on the opposite side of the building with Patty hanging out nearer the entrance.

“Holtz!” she called out, catching Erin and Abby’s attention to the arrival of their last teammate. 

“Hey guys. What’d I miss?” she asked and noticed she sounded a little out of breath. Damn. 

“Nothing really. The owner let us in and then beat feet. We were just checking out the walls and furniture, risk assessment you know?” Holtzmann nodded to show she did know.

“Apparently our ghouly mobster doesn’t come out until evening so we aren’t in any danger right now,” Erin put in and wondered if Holtzmann’s shoulders really had drooped slightly or she had imagined it. 

“So we wait here until he pops up?” Holtzmann asked, fiddling with the straps of her pack and wondering if she could possibly pop over to the CVS down the way and get a refill. She doubted it but... 

“That’s the plan. Why? Got some place to be?” Erin asked and Holtzmann almost flinched. 

“N-noooope. Not at all. Totally free. Totally.”

Erin peered at the blonde a moment, as if trying to see if it was really Holtzmann and not some ghost inside of Holtz. Eventually she turned and went back to the rear of the building. 

“If you aren’t feeling up to it--” Abby began but Holtzmann cut her off with a vigorous shaking of the head.

“I’m fine. Really. I appreciate the concern but I’m 100% tip top.” 

Both Abby and Patty had looks that spoke volumes of their doubt.

As Holtzmann went and found a seat on the floor, legs splayed out in front of her, she took notice of how everything seemed to be moving at lightspeed yet also seemed to be going as slow as molasses in winter. Great. Just perfect. 

It seemed no matter what Holtz did she couldn’t get comfortable as Patty watched the small blonde engineer shift positions at least a dozen times, get up, start pacing, find an actual chair to sit in for five seconds then get up again. 

And then it dawned on Patty: Holtzmann hadn’t taken her meds. This had only happened once, the day after they had saved New York and nearly lost Abby and Erin in the process. Holtzmann had been understandably frazzled afterwards, slightly shell shocked. 

As Patty was trying to figure out how to approach Holtzy on this revelation, her gaze was caught by a bright flash off in the corner opposite of her and to the right of Abby and Erin. And Holtzmann was heading right towards it. 

“Holtz!” Patty shouted, springing from her spot and sprinting across the relatively small space, turning on her proton pack as she did. 

Holtzmann to her credit stopped moving and her head snapped up in time to see a man almost two heads taller than Patty materialize in front of her. She had enough time to say “Oh sh--” before she found herself flying through the air backwards and crash landing onto a wooden table that shattered under the force and weight of the impact. 

Maybe it was the lack of meds but she didn’t feel anything except outrage. Springing to her feet, she rushed forward just as Patty was firing on the ghost. Erin and Abby had shed their own surprise to turn their proton packs on. Impossibly fast, the ghost dodged among the beams and flung Abby and Erin in one direction and Patty in a completely new one. Without thinking of anything except _save Patty_ , Holtz found herself moving as fast as was humanly possible to try to break the taller woman’s fall. But she was seconds too late as Patty landed--badly-- on her back on top of the proton pack. 

“Patty!” 

“Owwwww. I’m fi---ine,” Patty groaned out, squeaking out the last word as she realized inhaling was nothing but pain. “Ho-OLTZ!” 

The alarm in Patty’s voice caused Holtzmann to wheel around, bringing her gun up on instinct. She noticed two other beams-- Abby and Erin-- that the ghost was still dodging. 

Her eyes behind yellow glasses widened as the ghost actually grabbed her gun and used it to flick Holtzmann off to the side. Abby and Erin pressed their attack then Erin threw one of the traps out. That did the trick, sucking the ghost towards it and then for an agonizing minute just kept it in place before sucking it in. 

Once the scent of burning ozone and ectoplasm faded, a very strong metallic scent filled the air. Abby and Erin looked over at Patty first but she was in one piece. And then in timing worthy of the movies, they all three swiveled to look where Holtzmann had been flung. A large table and three chairs were in a shambles with Holtzmann right in the middle. Patty’s face cycled through a range of emotions before settling on horror and fear. 

“HOOOOLTZ!” she shouted, rushing to the blonde. 

Holtz had a gigantic gash along her side, starting somewhere along her ribcage. She seemed more dazed than in pain even as she was bleeding out on the wood and carpet beneath her. 

And then, impossibly, she started laughing which just made the wound bleed faster. Thinking quickly, Patty ripped off part of the sleeve of her suit and pressed it to Holtzmann’s side.

“A-ah I’m tickl--OW!” Holtzmann said and Patty knew it wasn’t Holtzmann being the usual Holtzmann, but a Holtzmann off her meds. “Momma always said to look where you’re going...” 

“Holtz? Shut up for a second,” Abby said as Erin was dialing 911. 

“I screwed up again. I thought I fixed the aiming...” Holtzmann mumbled before slipping into a state of delirium, laughing every once in a while at jokes only she was privy to.

Luckily a hospital was only two blocks away and the ambulances arrived very promptly. Still holding a smoking trap, Erin and Abby trailed behind as the EMTs took both Holtzmann and Patty. Holtzmann was still laughing softly, no longer a single ounce lucid which meant that Abby had to answer questions for her before climbing up into the ambulance with her while Erin went with Patty. 

Since her ADHD wasn’t a priority for treatment, the hospital instead got her started on a pretty good dose of Toradol and a light sedative so that they could stitch her up. 

“P-Patty’s a’right tho right?” Holtzmann slurred out, her eyes never quite managing to find Abby. 

“She’s fine. She’s over on the other side of that curtain,” Abby said, pointing at the curtain that Holtzmann couldn’t actually properly see as she was being held down while the last stitches were put into her side.

Because of how she presented mental health wise, the hospital insisted on keeping Holtzmann overnight for observation but Patty was cleared to be discharged. 

By the time she was cleared to leave, Holtzmann had been without her meds for nearly three whole days as she had not been able to convince the doctors of her legitimate prescription. 

Which meant that getting home was a miserable affair as her withdrawal kicked in. Patty, Abby, and Erin had already put in a refill request but given it was a friday they didn’t think it likely that Holtzmann would have it for the weekend. Which meant that they would take turns looking after Holtzmann as her body rebelled: fits of insomnia and nausea along with Holtzmann barely sounding lucid was what the other women were faced with. 

Monday morning, Holtzmann woke to the ache in her ribcage that her delirious state had not allowed her to fully notice. She groaned, rubbing her bare face with one hand, her other hand was currently being gripped gently by Patty who had fallen asleep next to her on the bed that had linens that would definitely need to be changed thanks to all of the sweating Holtzmann had done during her ordeal. 

“Pat?” Holtzmann rasped then cringed. The sound of her voice woke Patty up regardless and she flashed the blonde a relieved smile.

“Hey, Holtzy,” Patty said softly, brushing stray locks of hair from Holtzmann’s eyes. 

There were no admonishments, no ‘I can’t believe you forgot’, no ‘why did you do that?’. Just quiet relief that they were both okay, that they had survived another tough battle and won it without any loss of life. 

Slowly, with a slight grimace, Holtzmann sat up against the mess of pillows that Patty had no doubt stacked up on the bed. 

On the bedside table sat a new bottle of her Adderall and the light sleep aid along with a bottle of Vicodin. She took one Adderall and one of the Vicodin and took a long gulp of the Gatorade that Patty had thoughtfully picked up before the latest ‘shift’, knowing Holtzmann would prefer it to just taking her meds with water. 

“I love you,” Holtzmann said after a moment, looking back over at Patty.

“I love you too, you crazy little engineer,” Patty said affectionately, kissing Holtzmann’s knuckles. In the silence, Patty vowed to keep track of Holtzmann’s meds so nothing like last week would ever happen again.

**Author's Note:**

> So, after a personal experience of my own where I remembered that ADHD isn't always just this obstacle for learning or paying attention, I decided to write this. It's a little darker than the others not so much because of the drug dependence but because of what happens when someone so accustomed to being on a medication for ADHD has to go into battle and aren't exactly trained to go into battle in the first damn place.
> 
> The link to the song that is Holtzmann's ringtone for Patty is found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stbNyx3DOlM).


End file.
